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Discussion Topic: MDD and relationships
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 novagirl |
06-05-2003 @ 5:29 PM |
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Member
Joined: Jun. 2003
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Hi, I am new to this site but things are getting bad for me and I needed an outlet for all of it. Approximately 5yrs ago I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, something I had been suffering through for many years before the diagnosis and something I am still suffering through now. It is hard to communicate with my boyfriend about this because he just doesn't get it. I stopped taking my meds 3yrs ago and have been holding it together but with great difficulty. The past month everything has started to come crashing in once again. I am not sure how to make him understand that I really have no control over this and how to allow myself to go on meds for the rest of my life for this. I am back to crying everyday, fatigue, forgetting things, you name it. I have learned how to cope with this when I am on my own but I am not sure how to handle it in a relationship. I am embarassed by this, I am worried about my relationship, it is too much for me to handle at times, how can I expect someone else to do so?
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| Craig |
06-09-2003 @ 7:24 PM |
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Member
Joined: Jun. 2003
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Novagirl,
Sounds like your boyfriend isn't being very supportive or understanding about your depression. Those of us who have Major Depressive Disorder know that this is a serious, potentially life-threatening medical condition and mental illness. We know that hereditary and environmental factors cause depression. One cannot just simply "snap out of it" and "think positive" and it will all go away. Perhaps if your boyfriend cared enough to take the time to educate himself about depression by doing some reading online and/or books, then he would "get it."
I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymic Disorder about 2 1/2 years ago but I've suffered from depression since I was 13. In hindsight I can see that my depression affected my relationships and my relationships affected my depression, especially the break ups. A short-term relationship break up combined with the repressed pain of my traumatic divorce triggered a Major Depressive episode and suicidal ideation. That led me to seek antidepressant treatment and that was when my psychiatrist told me I had MDD and Dysthymic Disorder, chronic, low-grade depression.
I wonder: would you and your boyfriend consider couple's therapy? Are you seeing an individual therapist on a regular basis? If not, why not? Why did you stop taking meds three years ago? Since you appear to be having a serious MDD relapse, are you going to go back on an antidepressant? If your old medication didn't work for you why not try something different?
Take care,
CraigText
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| novagirl |
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06-09-2003 @ 10:14 PM |
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Joined: Jun. 2003
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Craig,
It can be overwhelming for me to deal with this and I have had to deal with it for alot longer then my boyfriend, I think I need to cut him a little slack. But the books were a great idea, however,I think that he still is in denial, who wants a sick girlfriend.As for the meds, I stopped taking them because I really hated the thought of having to be on them for the rest of my life which is what I have been told, I will have to be one them for the rest of my life. I felt like the Docs were wrong and I could prove that. DENIAL! that would be the bottom line here.I was seeing a psychiatrist, I have gone to group therapy, you name it. I will be returning to the weekly sessions with the psychiatrist. I think I am finally able to accept the inevitable and go back on the meds for good. But you know I am just tired, tired of feeling pain everyday, tired of being alone in a room full of people, tired of being sick. I realize the meds help, but they don't make things go away, they just take the edges off of the pain.
Nova
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| Craig
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06-10-2003 @ 3:48 AM |
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Joined: Jun. 2003
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Nova,
I know how you feel. Being depressed and on
medication for the rest of your life---that really
sucks, doesn't it? I have to face the same reality
even though I wish I'd at least reach a point when I
no longer need any medication. And you're right
that antidepressants don't take the depression
away they just take the edge off and I think that
when they work right they also prevent you from
falling into the bottomless pit of despair.
Well, at least you've got a boyfriend. If he really
loves you, he'll still love you and care about you
after he realizes and understands what you are
going through. The best book I've read on
depression is the award-winning The Noonday
Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew
Solomon (2001). Solomon reveals his own battles
with depression as he gives us a detailed look at
depression and its symptoms, medications, forms
of psychotherapy, suicide, history, etc.. I
reccomend this book to you and your boyfriend.
Since my ex-wife and I broke up nearly four
years ago I've done a lot of dating but I haven't had
any long terms relationships or "significant others."
I feel lonely and depressed wsith the fatigue and
that deep emotional pain in varying degrees every
day. In my case depression is just the tip of the
iceberg since I also am suffering from Generalized
Anxiety Disorder, auditory hallucinations, and
Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified with
Avoidant and Dependent Traits.
So I've got a lot of "issues" to work on. At least
my life isn't boring. Take care of yourself.
Craig
"Ghosts in the wind that blow
through my life
Follow me wherever I go
I'll never be free of these
Chains inside,
Hidden deep down in my soul . . ."
from "Bus To Baton Rouge" by Lucinda Williams
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| novagirl |
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06-10-2003 @ 9:29 PM |
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Member
Joined: Jun. 2003
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Craig,
Happy Birthday, I hope that you try to have a good one. Thanks for the reply, I haven't read the book that you mentionned but I will try to pick it up at the local library. I have never been through a divorce as an adult, however I am a child of a " Broken Home" and know only to well the pain that comes with that. The betrayal, the agony, the incredible sense of forever being alone, and of course the guilt. This event has left me deeply scarred. I have a hard time trusting people, letting them in to see my whole self, even the dark ugly spots. That is part of the trouble with my boyfriend, I have hid this from him fairly well. He knows about the problem but hasn't really seen the devastation it can, and will, cause.
Perhaps being alone is the right thing to do until you can sort some of this stuff out. I know that I have thought about doing just that. It is easier, at least for me, to deal with this stuff alone. Noone else gets to see the bottom drop out.
Take care of you,
Nova
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| angela |
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06-21-2003 @ 11:36 PM |
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Member
Joined: Jun. 2003
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Hi. These are my first posts. It's interesting to read that anti-depressants don't fully deal with depression. I didn't know that.
I was started on Effexor in 1996 and felt I got my life back. But I could not afford or find any therapy. I did not tell my psychiatrist (who did not want to do long-term therapy, just medical (pill) direction) that I was having terrible with plunging terrifying lows and then ecstatic highs. I just focussed on the fact that I could function.
I could go into more detail, but I had times (before Effexor) where I would sit terrified in my corner of the couch, watching TV and unable to do any but the minimum of domestic tasks. I would berate myself for laziness, lack of discipline. I created a cycle where I cut myself off from friends because I was ashamed of how I was living. I could leave for work and that was it. And then no one could tell I was depressed or what I was going to.
These episodes ended with Effexor but are now back.
I had open heart surgery in April and felt when I left the hospital that my body had been so assaulted and traumatized that it would never recover and that my family or boyfriend (who left town the week I was released from hospital! but is otherwise very supportive) did not give me the emotional help I needed. I felt like a child who needed to be held and comforted in their mother's arms. Everyone kind of cooked a meal for me and then went about their own lives without a kind word, or a how are you.
I think this recent event has triggered my old problems and that after having been on Effexor for 7 years I need to switch to something else.
Does anyone else find themselves sitting alone in their home in fear?
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| Anne-Marie, Site Director |
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06-22-2003 @ 1:49 PM |
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Moderator
Joined: Nov. 2000
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Hi, Angela. Welcome to the site. If you click on our Outside Resources, you can connect to our sister site, The Panic Center where there is some info on fear and agoraphobia. I understand that the kind of fear you have may be connected to your surgery and heart condition, but you can investigate to see how agoraphobia affects people. It might be worth looking into a little further.
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Discussion Topic: MDD and relationships
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